Apropos Taxes

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.....With targeted taxes we can afford to fund important programs without busting the budget. Below are some suggestions of items which should be taxed, along with an explanation of where the revenue will be used.

Leafy green vegetables -- Purchase of energy offsets for Jack LaLanne's Power Juicer.

Bicycles -- Assist cities with the costs associated with the designation of bike lanes.

Windmills -- Pay for the proper and respectful burial of decapitated migratory birds.

Birkenstocks -- Fund research into more environmentally friendly air fresheners.

Poor people -- Never mind, we already have tobacco taxes.

Condoms -- Offset Medicare costs for the treatment of hemorrhoids.

Opera -- Not necessarily to fund any program. I've just heard taxes can discourage certain types of activity.

Baby seal pelts -- Replacement of trees used in the manufacture of clubs.

Labor unions -- Facilitate the removal of unnatural concrete blocks from the bottom of our waterways.
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