Hot Potato

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.....As hope and change work their way through our economy, many people wonder what is the best investment to make with their hard earned dollars. I could invest in the stock market and pray the government doesn’t nationalize the industries in which I have invested. I may buy low-interest government bonds and watch inflation gobble up my savings. There are also commodity options such as gold or even non-hybrid seeds. Until some respectable economist presents an outline as to how the U.S. economy recovers without spurring hyperinflation, I will spend every dollar I earn as fast as I can.

.....With the government printing money faster than Al Gore can burn jet fuel, an inflationary spiral cannot be long in coming. Once the inevitable inflation monster begins, consumers will dispose of their dollars as quickly as they can. This will exacerbate the inflation problem and the last person left holding the dollar bills is the biggest loser. I intend to convert my dollars into tangible goods before the game of hot potato begins.

.....Many would suggest an investment in gold as a way to protect against inflation. This would be a decent strategy when a society is peaceful and stable. The principle breaks down if you factor in roaming bands of violent thieves who walk into your home and take your gold and your life. It will also not turn out so well if the government outlaws possession of any form of gold. After an initial investment of several solid firearms, the wise individual would concentrate on purchasing large quantities of ammunition.


.....Financial collapse will immediately bring the worst out of drug addicted pantywaists. Fortunately, a few well armed citizens will easily eradicate this scourge, because druggies can’t shoot straight. More difficulty will come with the next wave of individuals. These are the multitude of able bodied Americans who have been conditioned to expect food and comfort without having to do a stitch of work. Only communities comprised of large numbers of responsible gun owners can expect to survive the hungry mobs.

.....One can only speculate as to the Federal Government’s final solution to an economic meltdown. Hopefully, our country’s leaders will realize the stabilizing effect of the moral citizens’ strength. Then we may unite and figure out what to do when China comes to lay claim to property which they believe is rightfully theirs.
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Out of the Frying Pan

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Progressive Economics for Health and Happiness

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.....Obviously, the current Administration has not done quite enough to stimulate the U.S. economy. I have a Progressive plan which will ensure economic change.


1. Raise the minimum wage to $52 dollars per hour. All working Americans deserve a living wage. This will allow families to pay off their debts and buy healthy food for their children. There are a few naysayers who claim such a high minimum wage would lead to inflation. I will astutely address this problem in proposal #2.

2. Cap inflation at 1% per year. Allow producers the freedom to raise the prices on their products no more than 1% annually. Pessimists will proclaim that price controls will lead to shortages and loss of jobs. Once again, I have an insightful solution to this possibility in point #3.

3. Construct a $37 trillion stimulus package. Tens of millions of jobs will be created and the country’s infrastructure will become the envy of the world. You may find a crepe hanger or two who irrationally fear large budget deficits. For the last time I will ingeniously address these prophets of doom with a sagacious answer in point #4. (Special thanks to Thesaurus.com)

4. Tax the wealthy with a marginal tax rate of 93%. This will increase the Treasury’s coffers without reducing incentive. For every extra billion dollars a rich person makes, he will get to keep $70,000,000.00. That is no chump change.

5. Cap credit card interest rates at 2% and only allow late fees if an individual is over 6 months late on payments. It is time we showed these opulent bankers who is boss.

6. Reduce health care costs. Offer every person in America the option to get a free preventative exam once a week. This will include full-body CT scans and bloodwork. We will catch disease in its early stages and aggressively treat any malady with acupuncture, chiropractic, massage therapy, or holistic healing.

7. Entirely eliminate the military. The U.N. already recognizes the established borders of the United States. If any problems arise, the Security Council will take care of them. Besides, other countries will put down their arms once they no longer see the U.S. as a threat.

8. Increase vehicle fuel efficiency standards to 96.3 mpg. This one is a no-brainer. The vehicles may initially cost a little more, but the expense will be recouped in fuel savings. Any American will be able to travel from Gilman, Wisconsin to Gloster, Mississippi on a single tank of gas.
　

“The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics.” ~ Thomas Sowell
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